the world is ...

: )

project agent orange (working title: down in the park)

things have become rather chronic in trying to find a substitution-distraction from he-who-shall-not-be-named (who was damn hardworking this past week, with many frequent phone calls at the window, was very, very visible and is inexplicably in at 10 on a monday morning as i write).

at the same time, mr runner aka agent orange (don’t ask) has been sighted after more than a month’s absence from the park.

this makes it three separate occasions so far and about a gazillion missed opportunities.

must must must not panic, and strategize.

to do (pre):
- go to park early (be there before 6pm)
- look absolutely gorgeous (har di har har)

to wear:
- whatever succeeds in making me look absolutely gorgeous (see above)
- luscious lipgloss

to do (during):
- dump therose if necessary and run solo
- stops when he stops and no matter what, to be at the cooling down station when he is there even if have done less than the usual 4 loops

to apply:
- colleague’s 4 second rule (hold his gaze for 4 seconds and then look down and smile) without cracking up and/or my ears turning red(der) (or both)
- full gedik mode (if only i can remember how)

emergency measures:
- if the above fails, will take up mals’ suggestion and stumble and fall onto his path
- if chicken shit, get therose to push me

all this just to be able to have a decent non-monosyllabic conversation with this guy, beyond hi’s, smiles aplenty, raised eyebrows and waves.

geez.

maybe i should just do what R did with his (then about to be) girlfriend in college a millions years ago and just ask, “want or not??!”

it sure worked for him.

7 days to pulau

perhentian beckons.

after our (botched) attempt at getting our open water certification last september in tioman (which we didn’t get to finish because we ran out of time, managing only a scuba diver certification), therose and i are heading back into the water.

leaving tioman, my favourite memory was that of me hovering motionless (finally!) over that giant cuttlefish, like, as my instructor then said, a pro, during our fun dive before we left.

now that we are heading into the sea again, the only memory i have is that of me attempting the BCD surface removal (with me already starting to shiver slightly from the cold water) and, because i had three kilos added to my weight belt which, in my panic i completely forgot to remove, sank into the water faster than you can say pan’s labyrinth before i could manage to orally inflate said BCD.

that, and puncturing my left eardrum descending too fast on dive #2 without equalizing properly.

am getting cold feet.

and fingers.

i haven’t had time to go through my diver’s manual.

i hate exams.

aaarrrghhhhhhh!!!

heaven is too far away..

... tonight.

: (

el laberinto del fauno

it is not the cheeriest of movies, and it is most certainly not for young kids.

some scenes shocked me, others moved me, and a few had me on the edge of my seat, more so than any ‘hollywood’ offering in recent memory.

if you are expecting dainty elves, pretty cgi widescreen shots and basically another ‘fantasy epic’, you *will* be disappointed.

as one reviewer puts it, it is "a beautiful movie about ugliness".

readjust your expectations (this is essential), and you will probably enjoy the movie so much more.

it deserves a second (and possibly third) viewing.

___

postscript:

saw it *again* on sunday (back to back with 300), and enjoyed it even more.

when polar bears drown

quite a bit of what was said in al gore’s an inconvenient truth (seen on sunday at klpac with free passes from ytl) has been trickling through the news in spurts here and there over the years.

about the crack in the larsen b ice shelf.

the rise in co2 gas emissions and sea levels.

the hottest years in the last decade, most number of hurricanes, etc, etc.

but never perhaps, put together all at once.

yes it did feel a bit like an extended a geography/nature lesson.

but a very important lesson nevertheless.

go watch it.

i remember being in the southern most tip of hong kong late last year, when it was already supposed to be cool (but it so wasn’t) and visibility was so bad from the pollution from mainland china that at times you cannot even see the coast.

there will always be detractors to the 'global warming' theory, of course.

maybe there is no straightforward correlation between greenhouse gases and 'global warming'.

maybe it is also because the sun is getting hotter as some claim.

but does that mean we shouldn’t even try to do our part??

opportunity costs

RM 1000 will get me:

- the uber cool squarish cK glasses that i have been trying on and off at the shop near my office (which lets us park at the customer spot while we get our cake from secret recipe/ice-blended from coffee bean)
- the nokia 6300 which i have been eyeing since my phone kept dying on me
- five feet of solid surface/granite countertop for the island in my kitchen
- that bit closer to my dream WMF cutleries

sigh.

the glasses and phone will have to wait.

god.

when did i become so domesticated??

nasty

people can be mean.

and people who harp on your mistakes even after you have apologized in a rational manner deserves all the bad things you can possibly say about them.

just monday diaz said something about no matter how big your mistake if you apologize you are forgiven.

this wasn't even a big mistake, just a misunderstanding.

and i apologized. three times.

getting up today was a big mistake in itself.

and the headache isn't helping.

i just wanna go home, curl up in front of the pc watching eposide 18 of heroes with my teaspoon of skippy's chunky peanut butter (can't have a whole tablespoon, am on a beach body diet for april).

bad enough i don't even have anyone to kiss my tears away (episode 17 watched last night made me cry again).

nasty clients can all go to hell.

bah!

in flames

found out from the cute economic analyst that therose and i met on route to bukittinggi last february, that the istana pagaruyung (itself a 1976 scaled-down replica, but majestic, nevertheless) we visited and spent hours at, has been burnt down to the ground, apparently struck by lightning last tuesday.

this is what is used to look like.

52 artefacts have been saved, and the indonesian government will rebuild it in april.

the same weekend i read in the sunday times that the umno putera will be going sky diving in the north pole.

we are cutting down more trees to make way for “development” and demolishing beautiful old houses to build luxury apartments the locals can’t afford (the things you notice when you drive to klcc park twice a week for your walkies).

some days i am truly ashamed to be malaysian.

[ … ]

was in a foul mood all day (quite possibly week).

it may or may not have anything to do with the fact that he-who-shall-not-be-named hasn’t been seen for three days, and mr runner hasn’t been seen in weeks, and probably never will be again.

so left to my own devices during lunch (colleagues all had other agenda), went for a spot of retail therapy and bought corrine bailey rae special edition cd (also coz miss j said my hair looks like hers – it doesn’t, really, but near enough if it’s thicker and cut shorter and you squint and don’t wear your glasses).


back at office, continued with crappy mood, and seriously considered shutting down this piece of nonsense.

but blogger.com won’t let me just take the blog offline without deleting it, and i am not so suffused with my own sense of self importance to want to require passwords.

plus it’s my nonsense.

and my diary of sorts.

so it’s staying. for now.

listening to the rather brilliant double album (a steal at RM 39.50 with 10% discount), am now soothed quite a bit.

and so the sudden appearance of you-know-who was timely to say the least.

too many people have told me to just forget about him.

like attraction is something you can switch off on call just because it’s demanded of you (having said that, i have gotten over my obsessions without so much as a telltale scar before, and i can do it again if i really wanted to).

so what.

life’s too short to deny yourself what little things make you happy.

right now there is no push to do otherwise.

what have i got to lose really (apart from my sanity) ?

so be it.

i’m bringing sexy back.

over

received this in an email some time back, and reading ray’s blog this morning i feel compelled to put it up.

"this is for all you girls 30 years and over.... and for those who are turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's...and for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!!...

this was written by andy rooney* from cbs 60 minutes.

andy rooney says: as i grow in age, i value women who are over 30 most of all. here are just a few reasons why:

a woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "what are you thinking?" she doesn't care what you think.

if a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. she does something she wants to do. and, it's usually something more interesting.

a woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. few women past the age of 30 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.

women over 30 are dignified. they seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. they know what it's like to be unappreciated.

a woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. a younger woman with a man will often ignore even her bestfriend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.

women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

women get psychic as they age. you never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. they always know.

a woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. this is not true of younger women. once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

older women are forthright and honest. they'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. you don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.

for every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

ladies, i apologise.

for all those men who say, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". here's an update for you.

nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? because women realise it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage."

(i dont know if it was actually written by him, but its a good read nevertheless)

educating lita

it’s been a month plus since the new haircut, and my experimentation with the styling method that was taught me.

hair is now curlier than ever, in ultra springy spiral curls.

can’t believe i never did it this way before, and now can’t imagine doing it any other way.

to mr peekaboo, i have this to say:








(i want this tshirt!!)

[post script - my brother asked me if i was wearing a wig, and today the scary cashier lady at our yong tau foo joint we met queuing up at the bank who is forever frowning was touching my hair smiling away and complimenting it in near incomprehensible malay, in disbelief that it's not "buat kat salon". wonders will never cease]

when it rains it pours …

did a bang up job today of not taking even one tiny peek across the chasm but did notice his little car was around when we went for lunch, but wasn’t there when we came back.

so was caught slightly off guard when he was at the restaurant downstairs (at the other end before anyone says anything), in an orange shirt, smiling away at what his dining companions were saying, as we went back upstairs.

.....

today was makeshift walk at the park day but our plans were threatened by the rain.

was looking out the window to gauge if the rain was easing when i noticed this lady in a white t-shirt and black skirt and karat hair about to get into a car, and a split second later recognized the car. and the girl.

he, however, was still in the office, and his other car (yes he has another one) i later saw, was now in the parking lot.

go on then mal and des.

the best concocted story will win a prize.

: )

trading places

had a fabulous time at traders.

we checked in, got a room that somehow wasn’t ready and got an even better room on level 23.

we were supposed to do a miss j (ie sleep and just laze about) but it wasn’t mean to be, so we ended up at klcc for a short spell, having desert at chinoz.

the sky bar was unfortunately closed, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise because we were too lazy to go out anyway (finally doing a miss j), and after our swim at the pool, we ended up ordering room service for dinner (which was fabulous!) while watching the return of the jedi and spouting out the lines verbatim in between bites (they had digitally inserted hayden christiansen at the end and changed the closing song entirely, much to our disgust).

next agenda was coloring therose’s hair which took the better part of 2 hours while watching fantastic four (which i never saw the ending off because miss j called and i was distracted. who can tell me what happened??).

hooked up my brother’s portable dvd player and watched 2/3 of blood diamond, and later went to sleep with the soundtrack of cinta playing in the background …

managed to run one loop at the park the next morning before it stated to rain; went back to the hotel to get umbrellas and completed the remaining 3 loops briskwalking.

after a rather dismal brekkie (the only real let down during our stay), we rested a bit and then went to the jacuzzi, heated pool and sauna (yes, all three).

oh, and after we checked out, we went to the spa for a double massage …

skin glowing and smelling heavenly, complimentary lollipops in our mouths and sunglasses on, it was the perfect end to a wonderful getaway.

..........

but no matter how much i enjoyed the mini break (and i truly did), at the back of my head, playing over and over and over, was what i witnessed on friday night.

i have no energy to re-write what happened, but this is (an excerpt of) the email i sent miss j.

hey babe.

i saw somehting tonite that i wish i didnt.

he was in early today, since around 10.30 (almost never happens) and worked throughout hte day.

at around 6.30, 7 pm i saw a girl in a v neck black sleeveless top n jean in his office across his table leaning somehwat inappropriately (like wanting to show cleavage) for a staff of his. Didnt see her face though. but she could very well be hte girl i earlier thought was his gf (you his sister).

later saw her again talking to him, and hte next time i looked, she was standing behind his chair leaning over deep to his left side, as you would if you were, say, giving him a big hug or trying to kiss him from above or both ...

she left soon after.

..........

my life feels like a truly bad movie right about now, and this, is the (ultra sappy) song from the official soundtrack.

..........

so, no more inspirasi hidup even.

i no longer have that, to look forward to at work.

it feels like all the colour has been bleached out.

pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.

time, perhaps, to fix the broken blinds on my window and draw it to a close once and for all.

some things just should not be seen.

..........

well, at the very absolute least, i now know that he is most definitely not gay.

babe(s) in the city

this being the year we turn 36 (yikes!), therose and i decided to splurge on a mini break, right in the capital, coz we couldn’t be bothered to beat the crowds and leave the country/state and come back stressed from the travel (ok, ok, truth is we didn’t get round to planning anything in advance, and our tentative liveaboard diving thingie to thailand fell through).

and so, being born in the year of the boar, what better way than to live up the beginning of our year, then by becoming complete pigs and pampering ourselves silly.

traders hotel, here we come!

oink oink!

ps. gong xi fa cai everyone!!

vee dee

i was on the 2nd floor when i got a call to go back upstairs; someone, apparently, is waiting for me.

they wouldn’t say who.

so i rushed up the stairs, wildly thinking, hey maybe its mr sexy come for me (har har. it’s a hectic and yet slow day at the same time, and he hasn’t been working late or seen much since friday, gimme a break).

and there’s a guy waiting for me.

with roses.

and with the flowers came a note.

and a wet dribbly kiss.

as only a 2 month old can deliver.

love you babyj, and thanks for the flowers!!

muahmuahmuah,

your auntie lita

(am going to gomol you so bad when you come here!!)

i need a hiro

just finished watching episode 10 of heroes.

and couldn't stop crying.

will look doubly funny tomorrow morning.

(fazu, hiro reminds me so much of you).

: (

shiver

omg.

my whole body is trembling.

my hands are shaking, my legs are unsteady, my heart is pounding …

… damn, that was a bloody brilliant yoga class!!

everlong

drought forecasted for the next few weeks.

great, no rain means uninterrupted walking sessions at the park.

...........

having always seen him only across the chasm of our two blocks, i can’t honestly say i know his face well.

he’s not exactly good looking, or tall or well built or exceptional in any definable way whatsoever.

just an unassuming guy who is refreshingly driven, who occasionally but unknowingly keeps me company at work at night.

i probably won’t even recognize him if he wasn’t in front of his laptop or in a casual setting.

which was probably why yesterday, while walking to the car park for my tuesday session, i again failed to immediately focus on the guy walking past and looking at me, with a mildly amused expression on his face, and a definite smile before he cast his gaze downwards and i walk out of view.

............

get out of my head, you.

you are relegated.

R-E-L-E-G-A-T-E-D.

out!

the gloaming

yoga class is back at 8.00 pm but by 7.25 pm i am already restless.

it’s not as if he is even around; sure his laptop is still there, the entire office is brightly lit but the man himself is nowhere to be seen.

i sigh.

and think to myself for once i will be early and leave the office half an hour before rather than my usual mad 15-minute dash.

something makes me stop to put some lip gloss on.

i lock the office, switch off the main lights, make my way down.

cross the road, look to my left to make sure no maniac is trying to run me down.

turn back to face the right, halfway across the road, and there he is.

in the half light, i look straight at him, he holds my gaze, and i smile.

twilight is my favourite time of day.